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第14章 hanover square追忆似水年华（第1页）

HanoverSquare（追忆似水年华）

Canitreallybesixty-twoyearsagothatIfirstsawyou?

Itistrulyalifetime，Iknow.ButasIgazeintoyoureyesnow，itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatIfirstsawyou，inthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare.

FromthemomentIsawyousmile，asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby.Iknew.IknewthatIwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou.

IstillthinkofhowfoolishImusthavelooked，asIgazedatyou，thatfirsttime.Irememberwatchingyouintently，asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers.Ifeltmyselfbeingimmersedinyoureverydetail，asyouplacedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea，gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips.

Fromthatmoment，everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome.Thepeopleinthecaféandthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur.AllIcouldseewasyou.

AllthroughmylifeIhaverelivedthatveryfirstday.Many，manytimesIhavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday，andhowforafewfleetingmomentsIamthere，feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime.ItpleasesmethatIcanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears，andIknowIwillalwayshavethemtofortme.

NotevenasIshookandtrembleduncontrollablyinthetrenches，didIforgetyourface.Iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud，terrified，asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme.Iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart，andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet.Iwouldcryoutinfear，asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme.But，asIthoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme，everythingaroundmewouldbebeesilent，andIwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments，farfromthedeathanddestruction.ItwouldnotbeuntilIopenedmyeyesonceagain，thatIwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme.

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Icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen，whenIreturnedtoyouonleaveintheSeptember，feelingbattered，bruisedandfragile.WeheldeachothersotightIthoughtwewouldburst.IaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandIwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaid“yes“tobeingmybride.

I“mlookingatourweddingphotonow，theoneonourdressingtable，nexttoyourjewellerybox.Ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen.IrememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeaCheshirecat，whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeIlookedinmyuniforThephotoisoldandfadednow，butwhenIlookatit，Ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth.Icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou，withitsfinedelicatelaceandprettypearls.IfIconcentratehardenough，Icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoproudlyforeveryonetosee.

Irememberbeingsooverenjoyed，whenayearlater，yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily.

Iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudearly;theyareoutsidethedoornow，waiting.

DoyourememberhowIpanickedlikeamadmanwhenJonathonwasborn?Icanstillpictureyoulaughingandsmilingatmenow，asIclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms.Iwatchedasyourlaughterfadedintotears，asIstaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy.

SarahandTomarrivedthismorningwithlittleTessie.Canyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttime?Ican“tbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth.Iamtryingnottocry，mylove，asItellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes，sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet.Shehasherhaircutshortnow，justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago.WhenImetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove，justlikeyoursusedtodo，mydarling.

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Iknowyouaretired，mydear，andImustletyougo.ButIloveyousomuchithurtstodoso.

Aswegrewoldtogether，Iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet.Butitistrue，mydarling.Idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee.WhenIlookatyounow，Ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesatandhadoutfirstpicnicnexttothatsmallstream，andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree.Irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldlastforever.Doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere?

Imustgonow，mydarling.Ourchildrenarewaitingoutside.Theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou.

Iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor，sothatIcankneelbesideyou.Ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverylasttime.

Sleeppeacefullymydear.

Iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme，butpleasedon“tworry.Iamcontent，knowingIwillbewithyousoon.Iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou.

Iknowitwon“tbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare.

Goodbye，mydarlingwife.

译文欣赏

我们初次相遇，难道真的是六十二年前吗？

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